aliens vs billionaires

   What more can we say about visionary Richard Branson? Find out in today's second action-packed installment of "Inventing New Places for Rich People to Travel!" After flying around the globe, rocketing into space and then zooming down into the dark recesses of the ocean, Branson knew that people would be hungry for more.    He also knew that man was and still is the most dangerous game, so he took his adventurous spirit, his love of cutting-edge technology and his soft spot for the hilarious machinations of Martin Short and formed Virgin People (not to be confused with the abstinence advocacy campaign). Virgin People (VP) was tasked with carrying tiny shuttles of syringe-injected rich people into the bodies of test subjects for an illuminating ride.    Unfortunately, crazy small grain of salt cameras had already been invented, so people figured they'd just curl up with a tub of cheesy poofs and watch the 3D HD action instead of burrowing in to some poor sap's body like an Alabama tick. Sadly, Branson had to lay Virgin People to rest.    Never a quitter, though, his pioneering spirit led him to try Virgin Visitor, creating a unique homestay scheme that would bring aliens to Earth. If the documentary Alien Nation taught us anything, it's that this is a miserable idea. Also, the movie made us all want to name our firstborn children Sam Francisco.    Although there were a lot of kinks and mistakes made along the way (or "opportunitystakes" as he liked to call them), it seems that the future will be brighter with an eccentric billionaire at the helm. He once remarked, "I believe in benevolent dictatorship provided I am the dictator". Alarming, perhaps, but picturing newly-arrived alien visitors being issued a Branson-style toupee makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside. Wait, we thought that project was discontinued!